She squeezed rumpled bed sheets in one hand and a mass of his long hair in the other. The room was quiet save for the small sighs and gasps escaping her lips. His fingers tightened around her slim thighs as his tongue ceased probing her depths and begin to flutter lightly over her. She lowered her gaze, lashes drifting downward. In the darkness, she could see his head bobbing gently between her thighs. Her hips writhed in a slow, circular motion against his mouth. His tongue fluttered faster and her breathing became shallower. She tilted her head heavenward and her eyelids closed. Her chest tightened and relaxed. A second later, she released a series of soft moans as the first waves of an intense climax hit her.
When the last small ripple of pleasure subsided, he finally moved on top of her and she began to tremble all over again. Unconsciously, she licked her lips and discovered the faint, lingering flavor of him still there. For just a moment, Blair was plagued by second thoughts. Becoming intimate with Todd could quite possibly ruin their whole relationship and she didn’t want to risk losing the only friend she had. But now that she’d gotten a taste of him, she couldn’t quite bring herself to stop.
His hair glided across her mouth and cheek as he pressed his face against her neck. Her hands spanned his buttocks as his taut belly slid against hers. She held her breath as he entered her slowly and her body felt as if it would melt into mattress. Her fingers clinched his hips as they undulated against her, first slowly and then more rapidly. She wound her legs around his thighs and began to move with him. After an initial awkwardness, they fell into a rhythm, moving together perfectly as if they’d made love a hundred times before. Before she knew what was happening, Blair found herself caught up in a maelstrom of sensations and emotions.
Jesus, but he felt good inside of her. She wanted it faster and harder and she used her hands, her hips, and her lips to let him know. Todd ignored her silent pleas, capturing her frantic hands and pinning them about her head as he continued to glide in and out of her, first with long, slow strokes and then short, faster ones. She’d been in control when they had started, but she certainly wasn’t now. Blair clenched her teeth and writhed against him. Her head was spinning, skin tingling, heart racing; he was doing a wonderful job of driving her crazy. She was wishing that it could go on forever, but she reached another climax and he followed her soon after.
Todd didn’t linger for soft kisses or embraces. He rolled away from her almost immediately and sprawled next to her on his back. For a long time, they lay very quietly as their bodies cooled and their pulses returned to normal. Blair stole a glance at him and saw him staring up at the ceiling, seemingly lost in thought. She had a strong urge to curl up against him, but she knew he wasn’t into showing affection. It wasn’t in his nature and she knew that better than anyone. Still, she couldn’t help but feel disappointment when Todd eased out of bed and asked to use the shower. With her consent, he gave her an uncomfortable, parting glance before he disappeared into the bathroom. She waited until she heard the hiss of water running before she got up as well and donned her robe.
She wandered to the window, leaning against the cold glass to take in the glittering view of Llanview at night. Why did everything seem so magical around Christmas? She had seen this view of the cityscape hundreds of times, but it had never looked as beautiful as it did tonight. Or maybe it just looked extra special to her because of what had occurred between her and Todd a short while ago.
Who’d have thought a man like Todd - a convicted rapist, abrasive, rude, and downright mean -- could be such a gentle, incredible lover? Her whole body was still humming from the experience. But she could tell he had been holding back and she wondered how incredible it would have been if he had just let go. Maybe he would stay and show her if she crawled back into bed and suggestively draped herself over the pillows.
No, she shouldn’t. She’d already ruined their friendship by using him to forget about Cord. Granted, he hadn’t minded being used, but she didn’t want him to think she didn’t care about him. What she didn’t feel, which really surprised her, was regret. But as usual, that would probably come in the morning.
He emerged from the bathroom, refusing to meet her gaze, hastily running a large towel over his slim body. He needed to eat more. Existing on junk food and liquor was not good for him. He tossed the towel on the bed and silently began to dress, his movements quick and efficient. He was running and she didn’t blame him. Their friendship already felt strange and different.
At least it did to her.
************
“...with us tonight.”
Blair blinked rapidly as she snapped out of her daydream. She stared across the table at Cord and felt a twinge of guilt over her inattention. Here he was, treating her to a lovely breakfast at the Country Club, and she had been thinking about another man. “I’m sorry?”
He smiled at her, patient as always. “I said, the kids and I would love it if you would come caroling with us tonight.”
Now this was more like it. Cord making a serious effort to put her front and center in his life. After their talk last night, she felt certain that their relationship would progress more smoothly. And she hoped like hell that they would just happen to run into Luna and Max, and especially Tina, so they could fume over how happy she and Cord were.
But even her euphoria couldn’t banish the conflicting emotions she had been having since last night. She felt guilty, happy, and apprehensive, all in relation to both Todd and Cord. Those jumbled emotions didn’t make any sense to her and she certainly didn’t want to analyze it all. But she did know that she was the worse kind of witch for only feeling guilty about Todd when she was in Cord’s presence.
“Blair?”
She was momentarily startled. She’d zoned out on him again. “Uh...”
“Are you okay?” Cord slid his hand over hers. “If you don’t want to go...”
“No, it’s not that.” Blair quickly assured him. “I was just thinking that I have some Melador stuff I have to take care of.” She was still amazed at how easily she could lie. What kind of way was that to begin their newfound relationship?
“Melador business on Christmas Eve?” Cord frowned disapprovingly.
Blair squeezed his fingers, her eyes and voice softening. “It won’t take long, I promise, and then I can join you and the kids later.”
“What kind of business? I mean should I know since I’m an investor?”
“Just a bunch of nasty paperwork that has to be finished.” Blair smiled as she fibbed smoothly. “I’ve been putting it off for days and if I don’t get it done tonight, I won’t have time for it later.”
She really wanted to go caroling with Cord and his kids and she would. Right after she paid Todd a visit to make sure he was all right. Blair grudgingly admitted to herself that she was concerned about him and she didn’t much like it. She didn’t like that she’d enjoyed sleeping with him and she didn’t like that she was beginning to care so much for him. Having him in her life was going to complicate things. She certainly couldn’t worry about Todd when she was trying to make things right with Cord.
But he was her friend and she couldn’t help but feel a certain kinship with him. Of course, Todd would never admit it, but she was sure he cared about her too. They understood each other. They had a weird connection. And he was going through so much hell. A few days ago, he’d lost the woman he loved and his no good father on top of that. He was living hand to mouth. Everyone in Llanview hated him. And it was Christmas.
Cord was leaning over the table, his dark eyes on her lips. Blair happily leaned forward to meet his kiss. As it had last night, kissing him didn’t quite feel the same as before. But she was in love with him, she was certain of that. How could she not be in love with someone as wonderful as Cord?
“I love you.” She said out loud, more for herself than for him. She didn’t like that momentary flash of doubt that had presented itself.
He didn’t say it back, just smiled gently at her. The words weren’t necessary; he had uttered them profusely last night. He’d been already to reaffirm their reunion by making love, but she’d had to put him off. She had hated to disappoint him, but she couldn’t very well sleep with him after having been with Todd a few hours earlier.
Cord slid his fingers against hers as he leaned closer. “I’m so glad we were able to work things out. I missed you, Blair.”
“I missed you too.” Blair smiled back, nearly flubbing her words when her mind wandered to Todd yet again. This is ridiculous, she thought. If she weren’t so in love with Cord, she’d swear that she was actually developing feelings for Todd.
It was the incredible sex, she silently told herself. No way could she have feelings for someone like Todd Manning. Cord was everything she wanted and she kissed him again to remind herself of that. “I missed you so much. From now on, everything is going to be perfect.”
************
Blair hated Motel Hell. It was ugly, filthy, and full of shady people. She didn’t like Todd’s current living arrangements and liked it even less that she had to come and visit him here, but at least he wasn’t on the streets. Standing in the dimly lit, trash-filled corridor, she warily checked her surroundings. A door banged loudly around the corner and a man and a woman were arguing loudly next door. She could hear the distant sound of a siren despite the music blasting from inside Todd’s room. Cringing at the dismal environment, Blair balanced her bags in one arm and pounded loudly on the paint-chipped door.
When Todd finally appeared on the third pounding, he was wearing his usual surly, I-don’t-give-a-damn expression. Instead of inviting her in, he leaned against the door, his eyes raking Blair from head to toe. “Cord dump you again?”
Rolling her eyes, Blair nudged passed him into the room. God, he already lived in a dive. Did it have to be a messy dive to boot? She moved to the radio and turned down the volume. “Aren’t there any maids around here?”
It was Todd’s turn to roll his eyes as he sauntered to the bed and flopped down on the lumpy mattress. “This isn’t the Palace Hotel.”
Blair stared down at him. Dressed in worn jeans and a wrinkled blue shirt, his hair scraped back into a messy ponytail, she didn’t see the grungy ex-convict that most people might. No, all she could see was the man who had sent her senses skittering into a million different directions with his mouth and his hands…
She was daydreaming again. She had to stop it, she vowed silently as she moved to the battered desk. And then Blair laughed out loud upon getting her first good look at Todd’s Christmas tree. He’d used beer cans for decorations and the poor shrub looked as if it would keel over at any moment.
“Your tree is beautiful.” Blair declared with amusement and she heard his answering grunt from behind her. She deposited the bags and frowned at the mess covering most of the desk’s surface. Shaking her head, she slipped off her coat, found the trash can, and begin to clean up.
Todd watched her intently from his position on the bed. She could feel his eyes on her and it unnerved her. He had such an intense, piercing gaze; it was almost scary. Whenever he looked at her that way, she could swear he was privy to all of her most intimate secrets. Strangely, she didn’t mind. At least she had someone to talk to who wouldn’t think less of her. Sometimes being around Todd was like hanging out with a male version of herself. She felt comfortable opening up to him about things that Cord couldn’t even begin to understand.
“What are you doing here, Blair?” Todd finally asked, peering inside a beer can before placing it to his lips and turning it up.
“I thought I’d bring you a little Christmas cheer.” Blair returned to the desk and started emptying the bags.
“Didn’t you already do that last night?”
Bastard. Why did he have to bring that up? She couldn’t stop thinking about it herself, but she certainly didn’t want to discuss it with him. She aimed a sideways glance at him and was surprised to see a hint of longing in his eyes. But an instant later, it was gone and Surly Todd was back again.
“You know I was thinkin’.” He started again, this time a hint of contriteness in his voice. “We...you know...didn’t use anything last night.”
She’d been thinking about that too. Fretting about it, actually. Damn vodka. She wasn’t worried about getting pregnant, but she had just cause to be concerned about Todd’s sexual history. Still, she knew that he wasn’t worried about disease. Typical guy that he was, he was the one worried about pregnancy.
“I know...don’t sweat it, okay?” Blair stuck a plastic fork in a container of Schezuan chicken and handed it to him. “This isn’t the time of month where I could get pregnant. Women have a...”
“I don’t want to hear about...female shit.” Todd cut her off, grimacing as he sat up. “And you didn’t have to bring me this.”
“Everyone deserves Christmas dinner at Christmas time.” Blair chimed, trying to lighten the mood.
“Chinese food for Christmas dinner?” Todd shoved a forkful of it into his mouth.
Blair twisted open a more expensive brand of beer than the one he’d been drinking and handed the bottle to him. “Better than that junk you’ve been eating.”
“Look, I don’t need a mommy so you can chill with the cleaning up and bringing me dinner.” Todd growled around a mouthful of food. Despite his grouchiness, though, he gave her a grateful look. “Thanks.”
Blair sat down in the rickety chair and sipped a beer. She didn’t want to eat anything because she was having dinner with Cord and the kids before they went caroling.
“So...why aren’t you chasing after Cord?” Todd asked.
“I don’t chase after anyone.” She replied indignantly. “I’m going caroling with him and CJ and Sarah later on.”
He looked as if he wanted to vomit. “Caroling? That’s so...lame. And it’s not you at all, Blair.”
“I like caroling.” Blair said defensively, trying to convince him and herself.
“I say in a couple of weeks, you’ll be just as boring as Cord.”
“Cord is not boring.”
“What do you see in that guy, anyway? He’s exactly like that other loser who dumped you for his wife.”
She refused to let him ruin the good mood she was in. “Misery loves company, huh? I’m not competing for your most pathetic crown tonight. Cord is nothing like Max. He’s a wonderful man.”
Todd shrugged. “Whatever.”
She didn’t like talking about Cord with him, especially after last night. Despite the little talk they’d had before he left, where each of them had dismissed their experience as just a good time that didn’t mean anything, there was still an undercurrent of awkwardness been them. Blair steered the subject onto the key his father had given him and listened to Todd go off on Peter Manning and everything else that was pissing him off for the next hour. She tried in vain to convince him to dig further for answers to his father’s cryptic, deathbed advice, but Todd blew it off as the bullshit ramblings of a dying man. Blair was exasperated. He was hell bent on wallowing in bitterness and self-pity instead of trying to move on with his life.
After glancing at her watch, Blair hopped up and grabbed her coat, trying hard not to feel bad about leaving him alone. “I have to go.”
Todd stood up and shoved his hands in his jeans pockets. “Wouldn’t want to keep Cord waiting.”
“No I wouldn’t.” Blair said brightly and moved towards him. She placed her hands on his forearms and examined his features. Not surly, not sad either, just blank. She couldn’t stand seeing him this way. “Are you just going to hang around here all night?”
“I got nothing else to do.” Todd muttered.
Blair sighed. He was such a grouch. “Call me. And do me a favor.” Blair grabbed the key around his neck and raised it up. “Find out what this means. It could be the beginning of a whole new life for you.”
“It’s a key, Blair.” Todd snatched it from her and let it fall against his chest again. “It’s just a fucking key.”
A stubborn, stupid grouch. She opened her mouth to nag him some more, but the words died on her lips when she realized how close she was standing to him. She had a flashback of them writhing on her bed together, naked and sweat-covered, and all of a sudden she couldn’t think of a thing to say. He was staring at her too, as if he were having the same thoughts. Slowly, they leaned towards each other, their lips just inches away, and then Todd reared back, his features wrinkling with annoyance.
“I thought we weren’t going there anymore.” He reminded her of their conversation last night.
She felt her face growing warm as she stepped back, angry with herself for her moment of weakness. “I’m not. I was just testing you...to make sure you remembered.”
He laughed and gave her a ‘yeah, right’ look, but he didn’t call her on her weak explanation. He picked up his beer and downed it as Blair retrieved her keys and hurried for the door. “Have fun with Dudley Doright.”
Once she was safely in her car, Blair slumped in the bucket seat of her sports car and pressed her hand against her chest. She wasn’t even going to deny it this time. She was physically attracted to Todd. She’d loved having sex with him and if she could have with a clear conscience, she would have slept with him again just now. This certainly didn’t bode well for their friendship or her relationship with Cord. Much as she hated to just write him off, she knew she couldn’t keep hanging around Todd feeling the way that she did.
Maybe a little time and distance would cure her of her dangerous attraction to Todd.
************
The champagne was chilling, flickering candles added a soothing ambiance to the dimly lit room, and Blair was wearing her most seductive negligee. She dabbed a small amount of expensive perfume between her breasts and behind her ears as she moved excitedly about the room, making sure everything was perfect for her evening with Cord. Tonight was going to be an exceptional evening.
Now if she could only stop worrying about Todd. For the past week, she stuck to her vow to have as little contact with him as possible. However, that didn’t stop her from calling him every other day to see if he was okay. Usually he’d ask her to meet him at Rodi’s and she’d come up with some lame excuse not to. She was really being a horrible friend, but just talking to him on the phone gave her a rush. She could only imagine how aroused she would be if she were actually in his presence. Being around Todd brought out the wild, free-spirited Blair who often did wild, free-spirited things, like sleeping with her best friend. She could never be that flamboyant with Cord and she knew she couldn’t fall back into that type of reckless behavior again. Until she purged herself of her attraction to him, Todd was off limits.
The doorbell chimed and Blair gave the room one last look before teasing her hair and hurrying to let Cord in. She glanced through the peephole and her excitement was quickly replaced by dismay. Todd, not Cord, stood on the other side of the door, looking troubled, agitated, and in a black mood.
“Damn it!” Blair hissed quietly to herself. God, she didn’t need this now, but Todd looked as if he could really use a friend. Some new problem had lumped itself on top of his already huge mountain of woes and as usual, he’d chosen Blair to confide in. She wanted to open the door, she really did. It had been over a week since she’d seen him and she missed her friend. But she didn’t trust herself at all. As soon as Todd came inside and started rattling off whatever pathetic details had brought him here, she’d start having those erotic daydreams about him again.
As the bell buzzed more insistently, followed by several loud raps, Blair paced nervously in front of the door. She felt so torn in two that her head started to spin. What the hell was she supposed to do? What if she did let Todd in and then Cord showed up?
Well, so what if he did? Todd was her friend and Cord would just have to get used to it. Then again, letting Todd in when she was still very vulnerable to him was not a good idea. Maybe he would give up and go away. Blair waited and prayed as Todd rang the bell one more time and then finally, she heard him move away.
Blair wasn’t sure if she was disappointed or relieved. The guilt she had no problem identifying. Even though she would be breaking her vow, she decided to go to Motel Hell tomorrow to make sure Todd was all right. Surely this once she could lend him a sympathetic ear without wanting to jump his bones.
She poured herself a glass of wine to calm her nerves while she waited for Cord. She put on some soft jazz and reclined on the sofa. Pushing thoughts of Todd aside, she fantasized about marrying Cord, beginning a perfect life with him, and making a success of Melador. In a just few minutes, she drifted off to sleep. When she awoke some time later, the glass was on the floor and it was nearly midnight.
Disoriented, Blair peered through the dimness at her watch. Yes, it was midnight. And Cord hadn’t shown up at all. Trying desperately not to feel angry or insecure, Blair went to the phone and dialed his number. His answering machine picked up and Blair left a message before carefully replacing the receiver. She picked up her wineglass and refilled it, downed its contents in one gulp, and refilled it again. She wandered to the window and looked out at the evening sky. Then she blew out all the candles and sat brooding in the darkness.
She struggled with her need to blame Tina for Cord standing her up again. There had to be a reasonable explanation for him not to so much as call her. But as the minutes ticked by, Blair became more and more despondent and angry. There was no reasonable explanation for him doing this to her again. Absolutely none.
Hot tears spilled down her cheeks as she redialed his number. Again, his answering machine picked up. She tried calling him on his mobile phone and got an out-of-area message. This time instead of replacing the receiver, she angrily banged it against the desk several times and left it dangling to the floor.
“This is the last time he does this to me.” Blair promised herself as she stormed into the bedroom. She rummaged through her closet and pulled out the slinkiest dress she could find. Cord could kiss Tina’s ass for the next century as far as she was concerned. It was time for old Blair to re-emerge.
************