“Damn you, Todd!”
He’d said he’d loved her. That he wasn’t walking away from her. But at the first sign of trouble in their already fragile marriage, he’d viscously lashed out at her. Accused her of screwing Cord. Railed about their dead baby. Wished her barren.
Whore. Liar. Snake.
His words had hurt her deeply. Opened up old wounds that Todd himself had healed with his first awkward declaration of love.
And his abominable actions later in their bedroom had unhinged her. Would he really have raped her? Treated her the same way he had Marty Saybrooke and God only knows who else? The monster’s whore, he had called her. How could he? She was his wife! He was supposed to love, honor, and respect her.
He had, she thought with fleeting guilt. Until her deception had been brought to light.
Dorian’s words of warning reverberated in Blair’s chaotic mind. She felt the walls closing in on her once again, felt control of her life slipping away as the seconds ticked by. Her anger was a hideous thing, instinctively and habitually rearing it’s ugly head as she sought to shield herself and strike back at Todd for refusing to forgive her.
He obviously would seek to throw her out on her ass as soon as he got back from drinking himself into a stupor. Blair knew that’s what her husband was doing at this very moment. Somewhere licking his wounds as he nursed a bottle of whiskey. She refused to be at the bottom again, penniless and alone, with no direction in her life. Todd had rejected her love and had hurt her and now she would punish him.
Determinedly, Blair swiped the tears from her cheek, flew down the staircase, and headed for the phone. She would call Chet and unleash him. Sue for a divorce. Throw in attempted rape, assault, and mental cruelty. Get control of Melador and a shit load of money to go with it. She would emotionally and financially cripple Todd Manning and pay him back for everything he had done to her.
But as her slender fingers tapped out Chet’s number, an image of Todd’s face, his expression angry and hurt at her betrayal, swam before her. Her fingers stilled as more tears escaped her swollen eyes and she remembered all the horrible things she’d said to him.
Monster. Stupid. Less than human.
No, Todd wasn’t any of those things anymore. He had changed. He’d clumsily revealed his true self to her and she had treated his love and his trust shabbily. She didn’t deserve the abuse he had heaped on her, but she didn't deserve his forgiveness either. Not yet, anyway.
What she had done to him was incomprehensible. Doing it to Asa, now that was different. But doing it to Todd. That was unforgivable. Especially after the way he had taken care of her and stood up for her the past few months. Would Asa, or Max, or even Cord have supported her as devotedly as Todd had? Blair tried to imagine how he must have felt after discovering her duplicity when he’d so trustingly offered her his love. Probably how she had felt after the whole Cord fiasco. Only much, much worse.
Slow down, Blair, she told herself. Think before you react this time.
Blair replaced the phone with a heavy sigh and sank down into the sofa cushions. It wasn’t easy for a loner like Todd to admit he needed someone, and that someone had now shattered his world. He had been through so much hell in his life, even as he had been giving it to others, and she had just added to his torment. Blair hadn’t realized until today that she loved him and now she had realized too late. Everything was ruined.
Or was it?
Blair could either follow the same self-destructive path she had always taken when she was backed into a corner or she could take a different, less crooked one. She could either make things worse by seeking revenge or try again to make things right with Todd. And put someone else’s needs before her own this time.
Blair pushed Dorian’s words out of her mind and stood up, once again determined. Firmly, she went over to the answering machine and erased Chet’s ill-timed message. She pulled her shoes from beneath the leather sofa and slipped them on, then went upstairs to wash her tear-streaked face and fix her hair. With each action, she felt a strange but comforting peace began to settle over her. Buoyed by her decision, Blair hurried back downstairs. She snatched up her purse and keys, and with a backward, hopeful glance at the deathly quiet penthouse that had unwittingly become her home, Blair closed the door softly behind her.
************
Marty watched as Dylan laughed with one of the Rodi’s regular patrons, all the time wondering if Todd was passed out in the alley or butchering himself again. Why she cared what happened to the man who had made her life a living hell she couldn’t understand. She didn’t have feelings for him, but she admitted to herself that Todd Manning would be a part of her life forever. That was something no one but the two of them could understand, and something that she would never try to explain to Dylan again.
As she dried a glass mug, she tried to pinpoint what it was about Todd that held such morbid fascination for her. Maybe the fact that she had been wrong about him. Despite her and everyone else’s one-sided view, Todd had managed to reform himself. He’d changed. Whether it was his marriage to Blair, his time in prison or his inheritance that had created the metamorphosis, Marty didn’t really know.
She did know that not every ex-con could take a $28 million dollar windfall and turn it into something worthwhile and concrete. She had fully expected Todd to rest on his laurels and blow his money like there was no tomorrow. Instead, he had invested it in the Sun, Melador, and several other profitable business ventures. And turned himself into a businessman to be reckoned with.
That was why she was so worried about his marriage. When his personal life was in turmoil, so was Todd. And he could take out his anger on the world at large in very brutal ways. She didn’t want anyone to suffer the way she had at Todd’s hands. That was something else Dylan just couldn’t understand.
But Marty also acknowledged that she was becoming way too involved in Todd’s life. It had reached a point of weirdness. So she quietly vowed, as she wiped down the bar counter, to extricate herself from the dark world of Todd Manning once and for all.
“Marty.”
Her head shot up at her name and Marty was shocked to see Blair standing across the bar. She was immediately struck by how composed the other woman looked, given what surely must have went down between her and Todd earlier. But the only evidence to the crumbled state of Blair’s marriage was her swollen, red-rimmed eyes and her wrinkled clothes.
“Blair.” Marty began hesitantly, not sure what to say to a woman who had caused her a lot of pain, but whom she now felt sorry for. “Are you alright?”
Ignoring her question, Blair glanced anxiously around the bar. “Have you seen Todd?”
“Yeah.” Marty moved closer so as to be heard over the loud music. “He’s out back in the alley. Blair, he looks really bad. And, of course, he’s been drinking.”
Blair gave a small, derisive laugh. “Of course.” She tucked a stray lock of her behind her ear and shifted her eyes away from Marty. “He uh…he was upset… when he took off a little while ago. How is he now?”
Marty sighed. “I think he’s worn out from whatever it is that happened between you two.” She was not about to reveal that she knew the specifics of their argument. She already knew too much about Todd and Blair Manning. “You should take him home, Blair. Before he does something stupid.”
Blair raised her eyes to Marty again, her expression unreadable. With a nod, she turned and made her way through gyrating bodies to the back exit. Marty sagged against the bar and released the breath she had been holding. She felt an arm slip around her waist as Dylan moved behind her and gave her a reassuring hug.
“Think I should call the police or something? It might get ugly back there.” Dylan followed Marty’s gaze as they watched Blair leave.
“No. Leave them be.” Marty murmured, remembering the hopeful look in Blair’s eyes when she’d first come in. “I think they might be okay after all.”
************
“Apply pressure.” Todd mumbled as he maliciously pressed a finger into his palm. His actions increased the pain of the cut and he welcomed it. It was slowly dissipating the alcohol swimming through his blood stream and making him more lucid.
Being lucid wasn’t such a good thing, however. It allowed memories of the ugly confrontation between him and Blair to enter his inebriated mind, and the horrible thing he had almost done to her afterwards. His own wife. Whom he still loved deeply, despite what she had done to him.
An image of Blair’s frightened, tear-stained face flashed before his eyes and he dug his finger deeper into the cut, more blood seeping through the handkerchief he’d bandaged it with. He had actually begun to believe, as he’d listened to her plead for forgiveness, that Blair might really love him, but the twisted thing inside of him wouldn’t let his anger go. Even after seeing her with Cord Roberts, Todd had wanted to pull Blair into his arms and accept her apology, but sick bastard that he was, he couldn’t.
He had said some vile, unforgivable things to her. As he remembered each ugly word, his shame and self-loathing grew. He was every nasty thing she had said he was and more. How could he think she would ever love him after he had come so close to raping her?
Just as quickly as the question entered his mind, he had a flashback of Max Holden gleefully telling him about how Blair had suckered him. A small spurt of worn-out anger rose briefly within him.
Why the fuck should I feel guilty? She screwed me first. And then he laughed scornfully at himself. Same old Todd.
“Loser.” He whispered vehemently as he ripped off the makeshift bandage and searched the ground for the shard of glass. “Asshole.”
Quiet footsteps halted his actions and Todd cocked his head towards the source. He heaved a tired sigh. Marty was back again. His relationship with her was bordering on the sick. He raised his head as the slow footsteps grew closer and his tortured heart lurched at the beautiful sight before him.
Blair.
Todd couldn’t speak as he looked up into his wife’s vivid green eyes. All sorts of venomous insults tumbled through his head, but damned if he couldn’t pick one of them out to hurl at her. He probably looked like a pathetic dick to her, sprawled out on the ground, disheveled, drunk and bleeding.
Blair didn’t utter a word either. Just stared at him with that all-knowing gaze of hers, eyes flickering with concern to his injured hand, then back to Todd’s face. Her lips were doing that quivering thing again and her eyes were pooling with tears. Todd averted his gaze, unable to look at her knowing that he was the cause of her pain. His emotions were a jumble of fury, love, regret, and misery. He didn’t like feeling this way, this out of control. Emotions of any type, when they were clashing within him, were poisonous to his system. He’d never known how to deal with the onslaught and he was afraid he was going to implode with the heavy weight of it.
“Run, you miserable freak!”
Blair had chased him out of the penthouse with her hateful words, ready to be rid of him. So what was she doing here now? He’d thought for sure that she’d be calling Chet and the LPD by now.
He waited for an eternity for her to say something, but Blair still wouldn’t speak. Todd sat perfectly still and kept his head lowered, his eyes riveted on his seeping cut, the curtain of his hair blocking his peripheral vision. The silence was unnerving him and the tension he had felt in the penthouse began to slowly build again.
Just when he was ready to bolt, Blair stepped closer and he froze up again. His whole body was taut in preparation for whatever dreadful thing she was going to do or say. Todd cocked his head warily as she eased down in front of him, her legs curled beneath her. She didn’t seem to care that the ground was filthy and would surely soil the pristine whiteness of her pants. His Blair hated to be dirty.
Slowly, she reached into her purse and drew out a clean handkerchief. It was damp, probably with her tears. Todd kept his eyes on his hand as Blair gently took it within her own and carefully bandaged the cut again. When she was finished, she just sat there, holding his hand loosely within hers, her fingers reaching for his unresponsive ones.
She was so close, sitting between his outstretched legs as she was. The light perfume she wore reached his nostrils, drowning out the stench of the trashcan next to them and the alcohol that was on his own breath. Todd couldn’t resist the pull of her presence. Despite the chasm between them, their connection was a kinetic, palpable thing. He raised his head, surprised to find her face mere inches from his. Her eyes bore into his, her expression one of sorrow and remorse.
And love? He could hope.
Blair’s lips parted softly, then closed again as she struggled for words. Her green gaze was locked with his hazel one as she finally spoke. “I’m sorry, Todd.”
He was sorry too. The words were on the tip of Todd’s whisky-coated tongue, but his male pride wouldn’t let them come out. She had wounded him too much. Emotionally castrated him. Instead of ending their turmoil, he stubbornly remained quiet.
“I said…some horrible, horrible things to you.” Blair’s lips were quivering again, tears spilling onto her cheeks. “I didn’t mean any of it, I swear.”
Todd still refused to speak. Not that he didn’t want to. He was afraid if he did, something evil and snide would come out. So he just sat there, staring at her as Blair’s eyes begged for forgiveness.
“I was wrong. What I did to you was cruel. There’s no excuse for it.” Blair heaved a shaky sigh. “You have every right to be angry with me.”
He did have every right. A few seconds ago, he was ready to concede his anger and lope home behind her like a good little husband. But her words reminded him why he was pissed in the first place.
Blair reached up and smoothed back a lock of his hair as her eyes scanned Todd’s passive face. Her fingers lightly rubbed at the brown strands before she tucked them behind his ear and picked up another lock. She was always playing with his hair. He wondered if she knew the effect it had him. Of course she did, that’s why she was doing it now. Todd angrily tamped down the urge to press her down on the hard concrete and make love to her. He was still furious with her and he silently swore he was going to get a crew cut tomorrow.
“Forgiveness is something that comes with time.” Blair was saying, her hand leaving his hair to rest lightly against his chest. “I think maybe it would be a good idea for us to take a break from each other, before one of us winds up really hurt.”
Don’t I look really hurt to you? He was enraged by her attitude. He couldn’t stand to look at her. He couldn’t tear his eyes away from her.
“I…I’m going to stay with Dorian for a little while, until you decide what you want to do.”
Todd blinked at that. Suspicion flared. Was she really moving in with Dorian or running to Cord?
“I know you love me, Todd.” Blair was visibly trembling now, her fingers gripping his tightly. “I know you didn’t mean those things you said to me. I forgive you…for everything.”
Todd started to harumph with self-righteousness -- until he remembered the way he had manhandled her. It was easy for her to forgive, but it was much harder for him. After all, she had made a public fool of him. Not that he cared about what anybody in Llanview thought of him, though.
“And whatever you decide to do…” Blair nearly choked on the words. “…I won’t fight you.”
Todd wondered what he was going to do. He had been prepared to forgive her before he’d seen her with Cord, but now he wasn’t so sure. He wanted to make her beg…well, she’d already done that. He wanted her to suffer.
Blair’s fingers had moved up his arm to his shoulder, to his neck, to his cheek, her fingers delicately tracing over the scar. Her touch was making him dizzy. Then again, it could have been the alcohol, or the loss of blood. Blair shifted closer and her knee grazed the inside of his thigh and Todd suppressed a shudder. No, it was definitely the touch making him dizzy.
“I love you, Todd. I never had an affair with Cord and I was carrying your baby. I don’t care what happened between us tonight. I’m ready to put it behind us and move on, so we can start over. I want to be your wife. But the rest is up to you.” Blair told him and then she was pulling away from him and standing up.
Todd’s eyes remained on the spot she had just vacated, silently willing her to stay with him while at the same time wanting to help her leave with a well-placed foot to her behind. He could make things right, here and now. All he had to do was say the words. But that would be too easy. For Blair. She needed to be taught a lesson.
“Goodbye, Todd.” Blair’s voice was barely above a whisper as she stared down at him. When she received no response, she heaved a sigh and slowly walked away.
Todd refused to look at her, afraid he would shirk his hard fought for manhood and crawl after her. Instead, he remained where he was for another half-hour before rising unsteadily to go to his office, his mind working on a way to get back at his wife.
**************
Blair rolled over in the unfamiliar bed and wriggled her body in an effort to get comfortable. She’d gotten used to sleeping with Todd the past few months and now she had been trying to get used to sleeping without him for the past two weeks. She missed him. Ached for him. Wished she could press herself against his warm body and bury her face in his hair. Why had she ever imagined herself in love with Cord Roberts? The hurt she had felt over their breakup hadn’t felt half as bad as the desperate, empty feeling that had suffused her since her separation from Todd.
Blair had gone straight to the penthouse after seeing Todd at Rodi’s, packed a couple of bags, and headed over to Dorian’s. She hadn’t seen or heard from him since, and with each passing day, she was losing hope that they would reconcile. She had thrown herself into her work at Melador in an effort to get her husband off her mind, but Todd’s strong presence had left an indelible mark on her. It had been hard not to sneak to the Sun’s offices and find out how he was doing or go over to the penthouse on some pretense to see him. Blair, however, was determined to stay away from Todd until he forgave her on his own and came to take her back home.
Sighing forlornly, Blair rolled over, punched her pillow, and tried to sleep. Living with Dorian, David, and Kelly wasn’t easy. Dorian and David were constantly sniping at each other and Kelly was much too exuberant and perky. Blair liked being around dark, brooding, moody people - like Todd.
And she was horny. Horny as hell. Her and Todd’s most erotic lovemaking sessions would intrude on her thoughts at various times during her day - when she was brushing her teeth, talking with Delia, or picking up her dry-cleaning. Her hand slid slowly down her stomach as she remembered tempting Todd in his office late one night. Remembered how he had propped her up on his desk in front of him, how strong his hands had felt as they had parted her thighs, how insistent his tongue had been when he had…
“Blair!” A soft voice followed by a loud knock sounded on the other side of the door.
“Damn it!” Blair hissed quietly, angry that her reminiscing had been interrupted. “Who is it?” She yelled out loud.
“It’s Cassie, honey. Can I come in?”
With a sigh, Blair reached over and turned on the bedside lamp, then rose and stomped to the door. She unlocked it and threw it open, not even sparing her cousin a look, and stomped back to the bed.
“Blair.” Cassie shut the door behind her and moved forward. “What are you doing in bed?”
“Trying to sleep.” Blair sighed angrily as she burrowed under the covers again.
“Honey, it’s eight thirty. Why are you in bed so early?”
“Because I’m tired, Cassie. And I would appreciate it if you and Dorian and Kelly stopped badgering me about my sleeping habits.”
Cassie gave her cousin a knowing look as she perched herself on the edge of the bed. “Mother told me you were sleeping a lot. Oh, Blair, don’t you see that it’s depression and guilt that’s making you this way?”
“I don’t need your psychoanalysis. I’ve already heard enough from Dorian.”
“And what does she think?”
“She thinks I should cure myself by filing for a divorce and taking Todd for every penny.” Blair laughed derisively. “I thinks she’s forgetting what a despicable thing I did to him. The damn judge would laugh me out to the courtroom.”
Cassie sighed and pulled the comforter from Blair’s head. Blair averted her gaze, uncomfortable with the pitying look in Cassie’s dark eyes. “You can’t mope forever. I know it’s not what you want to hear, but maybe this is for the best.”
“Are you saying I deserve to be miserable for what I did to Todd?” Blair asked incredulously.
Cassie’s eyes rounded as her hand fluttered to her breast. “No! I’m not saying that at all! I mean, what you did was the most despicable, sneaky thing a woman could do to a man, but…”
“Gee, thanks, Cassie.” Blair sat up and rolled her eyes at her cousin.
“You know what I mean. Honey, you can’t expect Todd to forgive you after what you’ve done. A normal man maybe, but not Todd. Besides that, it was obvious that you didn’t love him when you married him. Now that it’s over you have the opportunity to get your life back together.”
The thought of divorcing Todd and not being with him again plunged Blair back into despair. She lowered her head and began another crying jag.
“Oh, honey.” Cassie pulled Blair into her arms and rocked her gently. “It’s going to be okay. Forget about taking Todd for every penny. Being happy is what’s most important. You can get your divorce and then you can finally be with the man you love -- Cord.”
Blair pulled away from Cassie and fell back onto the bed with a frustrated groan. “I don’t love Cord! What is wrong with you damn people? Mama, Dorian, you! Why the hell would you think that I was still in love with Cord Roberts?”
Cassie frowned in confusion. “Well, because you’ve been mooning over him for months, even after you married Todd. Cord was good to you, Blair. He’s kind, he’s considerate, and everybody likes him. Honey, to be perfectly honest, Todd is much too mean and callous for you. He drinks too much, he’s rude, he doesn’t give a damn about hurting people. You deserve better.”
Blair sat up again and glared at her cousin, face wet with tears, eyes blazing. She hadn’t told anyone in her family about her true feelings for Todd or the horrible argument they’d had because she was afraid of what they would think. Dorian had been lambasting him since she’d moved in and now Cassie was singing Cord’s praises while condemning Todd. Well, she was tired of hiding her feelings. She was in love with Todd. She was proud of him and she would be damned if she let anyone talk bad about him in her presence.
“Cassie, I deserve to be with someone who loves me for who I am.” Blair nearly growled, green eyes flashing indignantly. “I deserve to be with someone who doesn’t see me as some sort of sinner who needs to be saved. I deserve a man who is willing to put me first and lie, cheat, steal and kick ass to take care of me. That man isn’t Cord, its Todd.”
“Huh?” Cassie reared back.
“Yes, Cassie, its Todd.” Blair stated more confidently. “I’m in love with Todd. I was too stupid to see it but it took losing him to make me realize how much he means to me.”
Cassie blinked rapidly as she stared at Blair in confusion. “You love Todd? When did this happen?”
“Does it matter?” Blair climbed out of bed and started to pace as she punctuated her words with flailing fists. “I love him! I love being his wife! I want him! I miss him!”
Silence reigned in the room as Cassie struggled to comprehend Blair’s words and Blair struggled to keep from crying again. Finally, Cassie rose and went to stand in front of her cousin, placing a hand on either side of her face and forcing Blair to look at her. “Are you sure?”
Blair couldn’t help the smirk that tilted her lips upward at the look on Cassie’s face. “Jeez, Cassie, you look as if you’re constipated.”
“Its Todd.”
“Cassie, there is a side of Todd that you don’t know about. He won’t let anyone see it but me. He can be kind and gentle and sweet.”
“Todd?”
“Cassie.” Blair’s voice was full of warning.
“Okay, okay.” Cassie held her hands up in defeat. “You’re in love with Todd. But, honey, he is very angry with you. Any minute now, you could be getting divorce papers.”
“Don’t remind me.” Blair moaned and began to pace again. “I apologized until I was blue in the face and I told Todd that I really did love him. I left it up to him, but God, Cassie, I haven’t heard a word from him since.”
“Well there’s your answer, honey. Maybe it’s best if you don’t fight him on it.”
Blair propped a hand on her hip and gave Cassie another tear-filled glare. “Thanks for the vote of confidence!”
Cassie moved towards her cousin and gently kissed her on the cheek. “Look, you need to stop worrying so much. You’re a basket case. It would do you good to get out a while. Why don’t you come with me to Rodi’s?”
“Rodi’s? Since when does Andrew let you go to Rodi’s?”
Cassie waved a dismissive hand in the air. “Honey, Andrew loves Rodi’s. He says as long as he doesn’t give into his suppressed, baser instincts he’s still a child of God.”
Blair actually laughed out loud. “Are you kidding? The right Reverend Andrew Carpenter?”
Nodding, Cassie giggled as well. “Actually, I kind of like it when he gives into his baser instincts at home.”
“Okay, you’re sharing too much.”
Cassie smiled softly and chucked Blair softly beneath her chin. “It’s good to see you laugh. So will you come with me? A Rodi’s burger and a beer is just what you need.”
Not wanting to be alone to wallow in her misery, Blair agreed. Besides that, being in the place where she and Todd had ignited their romance would make her feel closer to him. She had the sudden urge to call him, sure he would probably still be at the Sun putting the paper to bed. She tamped down the urge and instead went into the bathroom to wash her face and get ready.
************
Being as it was Friday night, Rodi’s was crowded. Blair and Cassie had to wait a half-hour before they were able to snag a booth. She had been so ashamed at her deception of Todd that Blair had rarely gone anywhere except work and home, sure that most of the people she knew were now aware of what she had done. Surely Marty Saybrooke and Max Holden would have spread it all over Llanview by now. Blair was grateful they were in a darkened corner and she kept her head bowed when Dylan came by to take their orders.
“Blair, you stop that!” Cassie grabbed Blair’s hand and squeezed it as Dylan moved away.
Blair looked around the club in abject misery. The sight of clinging couples swaying to a slow song was depressing her. God, even Max and Luna were on the dance floor, looking especially happy after Max had wrecked her marriage. “Stop what?”
“Stop acting as if you should be walking around with a big scarlet ‘B’ hanging around your neck.”
“‘B’?”
“Bitch.” Cassie grinned mischievously.
Blair stared in surprise at her cousin, laughter bubbling in her throat. “Prissy cow.”
“Whore.”
“Self-righteous slut.”
“Mrs. Todd Manning.”
Blair’s mouth fell open and a gasp of laughter escaped a second later. “You bitch!”
They were both laughing hysterically by the time Dylan brought them their beers. He gave them a weird look before turning and disappearing into the crowd again.
“See? You feel better now, don’t you?” Cassie asked with a lingering grin.
“Yes I do.” Blair’s eyes softened as she gazed at her cousin. “Thank you, Cassie. You’re so good to me, even when I’m fucking up.”
Cassie laughed. “Hey, we Cramers stick together, no matter what. Anyone gives you a hard time tonight, I’ll be here to back you up.”
“Woohoo!” Blair took a swig of her beer. “Away from Andrew for a couple of hours and those Cramer horns start coming out.”
Cassie was lifting her beer to her lips when she suddenly halted, her dark eyes rounding in apprehension as they locked on something behind Blair.
“What?” Blair eyed Cassie with concern. “What’s wrong?”
“Maybe coming here wasn’t such a good idea.” Cassie murmured uncomfortably.
Blair frowned and turned to see what Cassie was staring at. Her heart nearly jumped in her throat at the sight of Todd ambling over to the bar, Briggs at his heels. They took up two empty stools as Todd gestured for the bartender. “Oh my God.”
“Maybe we should leave.” Cassie suggested as she placed a hand over Blair’s.
But Blair barely heard her. Her heart pounded rapidly in her chest as her eyes drank in the beautiful sight of her husband. The first thought that entered her mind was how good he looked. Obviously he hadn’t been losing any sleep over their separation. He looked like the Todd she’d first known, before they were married, as he wasn’t dressed in one of the expensive designer suits Blair had so carefully picked out for him. Instead he wore a pair of khakis and a long-sleeved, brown knit crew-neck shirt, the first few buttons left undone to reveal the soft brown hair covering his chest. His hair was loose and flowing and as he tucked a lock behind his ears, Blair’s fingers itched to bury themselves in the thick, soft strands.
“Blair?” Cassie tried to regain her cousin’s attention.
“What?” Blair asked absently.
“Don’t make it so obvious that you want him. Just play it cool and let him come to you.”
Blair rolled her eyes and turned back to Cassie. “Your ancient mating rituals may have worked with Reverend Carpenter, but a man like Todd needs special handling.”
“Well, you would know.” Cassie smiled. “I still say you should just sit back and wait to see what he’ll do.”
“You mean wait to see if he’ll say something to me?”
“I mean wait to see if he decides to reconcile with you.”
Blair shook her head and stole another look at Todd. He and Briggs were heading over to one of the pool tables, beers in hand. “If I wait he might decide not to. Todd is so proud. He’ll never give us another chance if I just do nothing.”
They watched in silence as Todd and Briggs began a very competitive game of pool. A few people looked on with interest, including a couple of attractive women who were admiring Todd. Scar or not, Todd was a good-looking guy. The long hair, intensely beautiful eyes, and dangerous aura were a magnet for women.
A surge of jealousy jolted Blair as a voluptuous redhead approached Todd while he lounged against a wall to watch Briggs. He languidly sipped his beer and listened in obvious amusement as the woman suggestively brushed her body against his arm and spoke to him, a come-hither smile on her overly made up face.
“That slut!” Blair hissed angrily as she bolted from her seat. “Can’t she see he’s wearing a wedding ring?”
Cassie grabbed Blair’s arm to halt her. “That doesn’t stop a woman like her. Now sit down. How Todd reacts to her will be a dead giveaway to his state of mind. Trust me on this.”
Blair grudgingly sat back down, her eyes riveted to the scene. Though Todd’s head was cocked toward the woman as she propositioned him, his concentration was on Briggs and the pool game. The redhead pressed a hand to his chest and Todd looked down at it as if he’d been burned. He carefully removed it from his shirt and said a few words to her, then sauntered back towards the pool table. The redhead pouted with disappointment and cast Todd a lingering glance before wandering off.
“I told you!” Cassie crowed triumphantly. “If you and he were over, Todd would have definitely been more attentive towards that hag.”
Blair wasn’t so convinced. “Maybe he’s just disillusioned with women. How could he not be after what I’ve done to him?”
“God, you’re such a pessimist.” It was Cassie’s turn to roll her eyes. “Yes, you did a horrible thing, but Todd’s no angel either. I’m sure when he realizes that, he’ll come around. Have a little faith, Blair.”
Blair rubbed her temple as she watched Todd lean over the pool table to take a shot. “I’m trying.”
“Do you want to go home?” Cassie asked with concern. “It can’t be easy for you to see him.”
Another woman approached Todd as Briggs took his turn again. He smiled and nodded at whatever the woman was saying and Blair looked away as sadness washed over her again. “Yes. I want to go home.”
Cassie smiled sympathetically and patted Blair’s hand. “I’ve got to make a quick trip to the little girl’s room and then we’ll go, okay?”
Blair nodded and Cassie hurried off towards the restroom. Blair refused to look towards Todd again, afraid that this time he was taking the new woman up on whatever it was she was offering. She discreetly wiped tears from her eyes and was startled when someone slid into the booth in front of her.
“Blair?”
She looked up to see Cord sitting across from her, a small smile curving his lips and compassion in his eyes. Blair’s gaze flew anxiously to Todd, but his back was now to her as he leaned over the pool table and took aim. She didn’t want him to see her with Cord and jump to conclusions again, but she doubted he had even noticed her in the darkened corner.
“Hey.” Blair gave Cord a tremulous smile.
“How you holding up?”
Blair grimaced and fiddled with her beer. “Not very well.”
Cord nodded and glanced towards Todd. “I guess things didn’t work out with you and Todd, huh?”
Shrugging, Blair brushed her hair back from her forehead. “No. I’m staying with Dorian and Todd and I haven’t spoken since that day he found us together in the penthouse. But I’m still hopeful. I mean, he hasn’t filed for a divorce -- at least not yet.”
“I’m sorry Blair. I really wanted things to work out for you. With everything you’ve been through, I think you deserve some happiness.”
Blair frowned glumly. “A witch like me?”
Cord laughed softly. “You’re not a witch, Blair. A bit opportunistic and selfish, but you’re not a witch. I’ve seen that good side of you.”
“Thank you, Cord. I really appreciate everything you’ve done for me, even after all that I’ve put you through.”
“Hey.” Cord laced his fingers with hers and squeezed them affectionately. “Holding a grudge only keeps you mired in the past.”
Cassie returned to the table at that moment and cast a curious look at Cord. “Hi, Cord.”
“Cassie.” Cord smiled a greeting as released Blair’s hand and stood up. He glanced back down at Blair. “Take care of yourself, Blair.”
“I will.” Blair smiled gratefully at her former lover.
Cassie watched Cord move away as she pulled some money from her purse and tossed it onto the table. “So. What was that all about?”
Blair threw her cousin a glare as she rose from the booth. “Cord was just checking up on me. Don’t read more into it than there is.”
“There’s really no chance for you two?”
“No.” Blair said softly as she took a last, yearning look at Todd. “There’s only one man for me.”
************
Blair couldn’t stand it. Seeing Todd at Rodi’s had doubled the intensity of the longing she felt for him. She was afraid as well. Afraid that Todd would end up in some strange woman’s bed in an effort to erase Blair from his memory. God, maybe he had already. She couldn’t just sit by while he completely destroyed what was left of their marriage. Losing the baby had been the worse kind of hell, but they had survived it. Surely if they could get past that, they could weather this new storm she had created.
As soon as Cassie dropped her off, Blair got into her car and headed straight for the penthouse. She would wait there for Todd to come home and force him to talk to her. And if he came home with a skank in tow, Blair would beat the hell out of both of them.
She was surprised that her key still fit the lock. She would have thought Todd would have had it changed. Flicking the light on in the foyer, Blair sighed with relief at being back in her home. She had been away for so long though, that everything seemed strange to her.
And messy. In her absence, Todd hadn’t bothered to practice his limited housekeeping skills. Clothing, used dishes and old newspapers were strewn haphazardly around the penthouse. With a sigh, Blair dropped her purse and began to clean up the mess. The kitchen was in worse shape, so she cleaned that up as well. She wandered upstairs with Todd’s discarded clothing and found that area in disarray too. For the next hour, Blair went about cleaning her former home until her back ached. Then she went back downstairs and made herself comfortable on the sofa while she waited for Todd.
She awoke with a start two hours later. Groggily, Blair sat up and glanced at her watch. It was a little past midnight and Todd still hadn’t made it home. Her heart thudded anxiously as she imagined him off somewhere having sex with the tiny blond who she had last seen him with. Tears pricked her eyes and Blair shakily stood, grabbed up her purse, and headed for the door, damning her husband to hell with each step.
Just as she reached the door, she heard a key being turned in the lock and the door swung open. Todd pulled up short at seeing Blair there, but his blank expression didn’t change. They stood perfectly still, silently staring at each other, neither one revealing the thoughts raging within them.
Todd finally broke the eye contact, turning to close the door quietly behind him before turning back to his wife. “What are you doing here, Blair?”
Relief that he was alone flooded Blair as she forced herself to calm down. Being this close to Todd set off a torrent of emotions within her and what she most wanted to do was rush into his arms. “I-I was waiting for you.”
Todd refused to look at Blair as he moved past her into the living room, glancing about the now neat room. “Why? I would’ve thought you and Cord would still be at Rodi’s drooling over each other.”
Blair was startled at his words. “You…you saw me at Rodi’s? I wasn’t there with Cord, I was there with Cassie. But you know that, don’t you? Todd, why didn’t you say anything?”
Todd halted in front of the large window and shoved his hands in his pants pockets, his back rigid as he stared out into the night. “What’s there to say?”
“A lot.” Blair moved towards him. “Todd, we need to talk. I need to know where things stand between us.”
“There is no us.” He stated with quiet resolve.
Blair flinched at his words, but she summoned the courage to press on. “Then why haven’t you filed for a divorce?”
Todd remained silent, never moving as he continued to stare out the window.
“Do you want me to beg, Todd?”
“You’ve already done that.”
“What do you want me to do then?”
“Leave me alone.”
Blair shook her head vehemently, tears streaking down her cheeks. “I can’t. I love you. I don’t want to lose you.”
“Then you should have come clean with me, Blair.” Todd said between clenched teeth as he finally turned to face her. “I should have never found out about you faking being pregnant from that asshole Max Holden.”
“I know, Todd. I should have told you. But I can’t take it back. It’s done, it’s out.” Blair’s voice trembled as she tried to get through to him. “Please don’t punish us anymore. Haven’t we been through enough hell? I need you. I miss you. Why can’t you just forgive me so we can move on?”
“Oh, so you fuck up my life and now you actually expect me to just forgive you and take you back?” Todd spat out. “I’m not that bozo Cord Roberts.”
“Will you stop bringing Cord into this?” Blair yelled, frustrated by his stubbornness. “He was just being a friend! It’s over between us! I love you, not him!”
“If it’s over between you, why is it that every time I turn around, he’s in your face?” Todd snarled back. “How do you think it makes me feel knowing that prick is still chasing you around and that you’re encouraging him?”
“Then I’ll tell him to leave me alone. I’ll tell him I don’t want to be friends and that I want him to stay away from me. I’ll do anything to save our marriage, Todd.”
“Don’t you get it?” Todd hissed, his hazel eyes burning intensely. “It’s not that simple, Blair. Do you even know how much you’ve hurt me? I let you in! I let you see every ugly part of me! I fell in love with you, and you know love doesn’t come easy for me! And for that you pay me back by turning me into a chump?”
Blair shook her head in despair and stared down at her feet. This conversation was going nowhere. Todd wasn’t ever going to get past her deception long enough to see her love for him or to heal the rift in their marriage. For the first time in days, Blair started to lose hope. She began to weep quietly as the silence stretched about them.
“Blair.” Todd began, his voice lower now. “Don’t cry, shit, you know how I hate that.”
But she couldn’t stop the flood of tears. Todd was so obstinate and set in his ways. Their marriage was over. They didn’t need a lawyer or a judge to tell them it was so. “Why am I even trying?”
Blair turned to leave and was almost to the door when she felt Todd’s hand on her upper arm. He swung her back around to face him, his face contorted with the same conflicting emotions that were careening within her. Love, hate, anger, sadness.
Todd remained silent and Blair stared up at him, tears blurring her eyes. “Do you still love me, Todd?”
He didn’t answer, but his hands tightened on her forearms as he continued to stare down at her. Blair recognized that look. She had seen it many times during their brief marriage, that desire for her that Todd never initiated. He had always let her take the lead, afraid his fierce nature would frighten her. Cord was right. She was an opportunist and she was going to take advantage of Todd’s obvious weakness now.
Before he could protest, Blair raised up on her tiptoes and pressed her mouth firmly against his. He went rigid and his lips remained still beneath hers, but he didn’t make an effort to stop her. It was all the encouragement she needed. She pressed her hands against his chest and felt his heart pounding rapidly beneath her palm. Blair’s tongue pushed gently against Todd’s unresponsive lips until they parted and her tongue snaked inside to taste him. Whiskey and beer. She should have known.
Her purse slid off her shoulder as Blair slipped her arms around Todd’s neck and buried her fingers in the thick hair at the nape of his neck. Her mouth moved over his insistently and she suppressed a smile of triumphant when she felt his lips part and his tongue curl around hers. Todd’s hands wandered to her hips and he pressed her against him. Blair felt woozy, giddy as he kissed her back with the same intensity. He was pulling her backward and she felt herself being lowered onto the soft leather sofa.
His body was a welcome weight on top of hers as he pressed her into the cushions. Todd’s hands were everywhere, on her breasts, her thighs, and her bottom. Blair’s hands were busy themselves as well, slipping underneath his shirt to caress his chest, running over his back, squeezing his behind. After two long weeks apart, their passion for each other was understandably frenzied and rough. Blair relished it after going so long without him. She didn’t want him to be gentle. She wanted him to realize just how profound their feelings for one another were.
Todd’s lips left hers to suckle her neck. Blair tugged at the bottom of Todd’s shirt and he raised himself up so she could pull it over his head. His fingers impatiently fumbled with the buttons of her blouse before jerking it open and closing his fingers over her breasts. His fingers pinched and tugged at the nipples until Blair was gasping with excitement. She pressed him between her thighs as she reached between their writhing bodies to unzip his khakis, her fingers slipping inside his briefs to close over his erection. Todd sucked in a breath and groaned into her neck as she skillfully stroked him to an even harder state.
He raised up again to unzip her jeans and jerk them off of her. Her panties soon followed. His mouth closed over her breast as his fingers began to stroke the moist folds of her sex. Blair’s nails dug into his shoulders as she strained against him, her body moving in rhythm to his probing fingers, reveling in the incredible sensation. As his tongue swirled around her nipple, she pushed his pants down, anxious to feel him inside of her.
She didn’t have to wait long. Todd parted her thighs wider and thrust roughly inside of her. At the delicious contact, they both groaned simultaneously, their breath coming in loud gasps as Todd began to plunge deeply within her. Blair held him tightly to her, weeping softly, murmuring his name over and over again as she desperately pressed herself up into him. She raised her long legs and wrapped them tightly about him as he grabbed her hips and relentlessly pounded himself within her.
Todd claimed her body as if he was placing his brand on her and Blair relished the fact. She knew she would be bruised and sore in the morning, but she didn’t care. Todd was no longer ignoring her and the intense love in his eyes as his body surged within hers made her heart soar. It seemed as if hours passed as they moved seamlessly together, their mouths and hands arousing each other to a feverish level. The pleasure was too intense to last much longer however and Blair squeezed her eyes tightly shut, crying out as she felt the throbbing of her body give way to an exquisite, violent orgasm. The powerful spasms milking him pushed Todd over the edge and a second later he stiffened and groaned as he came, spilling his seed inside of her.
They collapsed in each other’s arms, body’s glistening with sweat and clinging, hair tangled, their breathing labored as they struggled to recover from the last pleasurable tremors.
“I love you.” Blair whispered into Todd’s hair as he rested his head in the crook of her neck, her hands stroking and lightly scratching his sweat soaked back. “I love you.”
Todd remained quiet, but his silence didn’t dampen Blair’s spirits. She yawned softly. The physically draining sex along with the late hour had made her lethargic, but she didn’t want to lose contact with Todd. As if sensing her thoughts, Todd shifted his body weight so that he was only lying half atop her, their bodies still joined. He rested his head on her breast, his fingers idly stroking the curve of her hip. A few minutes later, his breathing was quiet and even and Blair smiled when she realized he had fallen asleep. Oh well. They could talk in the morning. She closed her eyes and a few seconds later followed him into sleep.
************
When Blair woke the next morning, Todd was gone. A blanket had been thrown over her partially nude body and her jeans and panties lay folded over the arm of the leather chair next to the fireplace. She sat up and grimaced at the soreness between her thighs, but smiled at the memory of her and Todd’s wild lovemaking session. Stretching her slim body like a satisfied cat, Blair glanced around the penthouse in sleepy bewilderment.
“Todd?” Blair called out and then paused to listen. When she received no reply, she rose from the sofa and went to the chair. Blair slipped on her panties and began buttoning her blouse as she padded into the kitchen. “Todd? Are you here?”
Blair wandered from room to room, but there was no sign of Todd. She searched for a note, but could find none. Apprehension set in as she stood in the middle of the penthouse, wondering why Todd would have left her without a word. They had reconciled, or at least had begun to by making love last night. Or had it been just sex to him?
Fear that she had misread him began to set in, but then Blair realized the hour. It was nearly eight. Todd always went into the office early to get out the Sun. He was single-minded when it came to his paper.
With a smile, she sauntered to the phone and tapped out the number to his office. Lou picked up almost immediately. “Good morning, Todd Manning’s office.”
“Good morning, Lou.” Blair greeted brightly. “This is Blair Manning. May I speak to Todd please?”
“I’m sorry, Mrs. Manning. Todd isn’t coming in today.”
Frowning, Blair sat down on the arm of the chair. “Not coming in?”
“He left town this morning on a business trip.”
Her heart plummeted at the news. Todd had known he was leaving and hadn’t even bothered to inform Blair or say goodbye. “Uh…do you know when he’ll be back?”
“Not really. He said a few days at the most. Would you like to leave a message for him next time he calls in?”
“I’d like to know where he went and where he’s staying.”
There was a pause on the other line before Lou continued. “I’m sorry, Mrs. Manning. Mr. Manning left very specific instructions and he insisted that he didn’t want anyone to know where he was going.”
“I’m his wife, Lou!” Blair spat out angrily.
Another awkward pause. “He specifically stated he didn’t want you to know where he was going either. I’m sorry, Mrs. Manning.”
Blair slammed the phone down, not wanting to hear anymore. For the umpteenth time since their initial breakup, she begin crying again, hurt, confusion and sadness overwhelming her. “Damn you, Todd!”
************
Todd lay in the hammock outside the simple bungalow he had rented and stared up at the sunny, Florida sky. After arriving in Key West that morning, he had holed himself up in his room, checked in with Briggs and Lou, and committed himself to working. A few minutes into it, he had given up, chucking his papers away from him in disgust and going outside to flop in the hammock.
Blair’s aura was all over him. She was ingrained in his mind, his heart. He had tried so hard over the past few weeks to rid himself of her, but his memories of her and his love for her wouldn’t let him. It hadn’t helped that he had practically mauled her last night either. But when she’d decided to leave rather than continue their fruitless argument, he had panicked.
Not that he regretted making love with her. During their separation, all he had thought about was getting her back in his bed. He missed her terribly. Missed waking up with her wrapped around him or snuggled beneath him. During that time, when Blair was still sound asleep, Todd would take the opportunity to just look at her, to softly touch her cheek or her lips, to bury his face in her soft, thick hair and inhale it’s sweet scent. If she ever discovered his morning ritual, he would die of embarrassment. The last thing he wanted Blair to know was how in awe of her he really was.
It had been hard to leave her this morning, though, after he had performed his morning ritual. Blair had been sleeping like a log. She always did after a healthy bout of sex. And even though he had so wanted to take her upstairs and snuggle with her in their bed, he had forced himself to quietly dress and go to the airport instead. This trip had been planned days ago because he’d felt himself growing weak in his resolve to stay away from her. To his mind, she hadn’t suffered enough. So he figured a few hundred miles between them would help keep his plan on track.
Still, Todd felt guilty about leaving her that way. She must have felt betrayed upon waking up and finding him gone after they had nearly woke up the building with their wild coupling. Lou had informed him of Blair’s call earlier that morning. When she had found out he had gone out of town and that not even she was to know his whereabouts, she had probably decimated the penthouse.
Todd sighed and sipped his beer. Was all this really worth it? In teaching Blair a lesson, he was making himself miserable. He was still angry over her betrayal, but he wanted to be with her so badly. He wanted to forgive her. He wanted to plan their future with her.
Pride and loneliness were a bitter brew and Todd was choking on it. He wanted his wife. He wanted to understand why she had done what she’d done and get over it. He wanted to move on. He wished she were here with him now.
Todd slipped out of the hammock and went inside to the phone, his thoughts centered on Blair as he dialed. “Yeah, Lou? I need you to get a hold of my pilot for me."
*************
“Blair, this is for the best.” Dorian asserted firmly as she sipped her morning coffee. “Now you know where you stand with Todd. Get your divorce and request a lucrative settlement.”
“Mother, why is money always the solution to every problem?” Cassie asked irritably as she glanced with concern towards Blair.
“In this case, divesting Todd of a nice sum of money is not intended as a solution to Blair’s problems, but a means to stick it to that sleazy, despicable Victor Lord wannabe!
Cassie rolled her eyes and watched a pacing Blair, whose expression so devoid of emotion that it was hard to discern her state of mind. “Blair, honey, I hope you’re not seriously considering mother’s suggestion. I think it would be better for you and Todd to end your marriage as quietly and as amicably as possible.”
Blair stopped pacing and glared at Cassie, her green eyes even brighter than usual as they glowed with anger. “There is no way in hell that I’m going to let Todd get away with what he did to me! Not only am I going to empty his pockets, but I’m going to find a way to annihilate him for the way he humiliated me!”
“That’s my girl!” Dorian chortled. “No one makes a fool out of a Cramer woman and gets away with it. If you need any help, I’d be more than happy to give you advice on how to properly castrate a Lord male.”
“Blair.” Cassie grabbed Blair’s hands and squeezed them tightly in an effort to get her cousin to listen. “You cannot fight Todd and win. You married him under false pretenses and no judge is going to rule in favor of a woman who faked pregnancy twice in order to marry rich men.”
Blair’s mouth dropped open in shock and she snatched her hands away. “I can’t believe you said that.”
“I’m just trying to think the way Todd would. He’s always been a very ruthless man and now he’s a very ruthless man with money. Do you think he and his attorney won’t pull out every dirty trick in the book to keep you from receiving a divorce settlement?”
“He humiliated me!” Blair emphasized her words with sharp jabs of her finger to her chest. She blinked back the rapidly forming tears and swallowed the huge lump in her throat. She had cried rivers of tears over that asshole all morning and she was not about to do it again. “He screwed me and then left me without even saying goodbye, like I was some sort of cheap hooker!”
“That deserves retribution of at least ten million.” Dorian declared as she daintily bit into a scone.
“Mother, stop encouraging her!” Cassie screamed, frustrated by her mother’s barracuda-like attitude. In a calmer voice, she again turned to Blair and pleaded softly, “Sweetie, I think it would be a good idea for you to talk to Andrew. He may be able to help you resolve some issues you have and give you a lot better advice on what you should do.”
Dorian shot up from the sofa. “Like hell she’ll talk to him! This is a family matter and Reverend Uptight has no business butting his sanctimonious nose into it!”
“Andrew is family! Mother, I love you, but I swear this is the last time you’re going to insult my husband!”
“Shut up, both of you!” Blair yelled, fed up with being caught in the middle of their mother-daughter feud. “I will handle Todd in my own way and whatever I do to him will be fitting and very painful.”
The telephone ringing interrupted Cassie’s protest and Dorian gave her daughter a look of motherly reproach as she went to answer it. And then her eyes widened at the identity of the caller. “Just a minute,” she told whoever it was in a sing-song voice as she pressed the phone to her bosom and aimed a wicked smile at Blair. “It’s Todd. Probably calling to lower the boom before you do. Now you can tell him exactly what you’re going to do to him.”
“Mother, hang up.” Cassie whispered urgently. “It would be a mistake for her to talk to him in the mood she’s in.”
“Oh, why don’t you go home to your husband and leave the dirty work to us women!” Dorian hissed.
“That’s enough!” Blair snatched the phone from Dorian and assumed her best I-don’t-give-a-damn attitude before placing the receiver to her ear. “Hello?”
Dorian and Cassie watched anxiously, each wishing for a different outcome, as Blair listened to whatever Todd was saying. She didn’t utter a single word in reply, as if she were waiting for the best moment to tell him off. And as she listened, her expression was hard and unforgiving. But as time ticked by and Blair still hadn’t spoken, the coldness in her eyes gave way to hope and longing.
“Blair?” Dorian whispered with concern as she watched her niece’s eyes fill with tears again.
Blair ignored her, gripping the phone tightly as she turned her back on her family. “Yes, I’m still here.”
“I don’t like this.” Dorian muttered.
“Neither do I.” Cassie nodded worriedly.
Blair seemed to forget about both of them as she began nodding and talking in hushed tones. When she finally hung up the phone and turned to face them, the transformation was incredible. Her once pinched lips were curved upward in a beatific smile and her eyes, despite being damp with tears, were bright and filled with joy.
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